12 Days since!

HEY PEOPLE!

i am SO SO SORRY.. for being MIA for sucha long time.
Year 2 has been Insane.

My first paper was alright i guess.. but i didnt have enough time to prepare for it.. so i just did my best. And with the amount of time I had for Evidence, I am satisfied with how my first paper went.

My second paper, Tort. It was back to back with Evidence. Didn't have enough time to prepare for Tort either. =( sighs. We were all swamped with Land and Trust classes and revisions..it was pretty crazy. Anyways, i broke down.. really badly for Tort. I think i had anxiety attacks the night before Tort. I had a 2 day gap. The 1st day was really unproductive. Prolly exhausted from preparing for Evidence. And on the night before.. i couldn't study either. i kept falling asleep. Like, i'd be reciting, and i would suddenly just fall asleep, sitting down. haha. yeah. gosh. sufferrrrrr 99 man.

But around 12am, before i slept, i calmed down. And managed to study a little.
I guess, the biggest challenge during exams was moments when I had to decide to finally sleep, despite feeling unprepared. Regardless of whether i have covered everything or not.
And so it was as such for Tort. Tort is just wayyy too bulky. and so, i went to sleep, with much faith and trust that tomorrow, it would all go well.

Tort... was... difficult.
The kind of difficult where you're not even sure which chapters the question entails.
yeah.. it was nothing like our past year questions where it was clear enough to pick out the issues, etc. =( so yes, everyone was really emo after Tort. No idea why my year is always the guinea pig year. =(  The same thing happened for Trust. and I believe, most of us did the most preps for Trust. And so, i guess a whole lot of us were pretty demotivated after trust. Coz we put the most effort for trust, but yeah, the question structure etc, just had to change.

it was difficult, both tort and trust.. =(

BUT.
i moved on.
Coz for me, i felt like i did my best. I did all i could, with whatever i had.
And so, the past is the past. because i can't do anything to change the past, but i can do so for the future. So after every paper, i moved on. Looked forward, and focused on the future. =)

And as always, I definitely couldn't have survived Year 2 if not for God's grace and mercy. He has always been looking after me.. always been there holding my hand and walking me through all these challenges. He has always been my source of strength and always will be. Couldn't have survived this year if not for Him. It was really stressful, it was really hectic and i even questioned the point of life if it was going to be as sad as how it was then.

I also wanna thank each and everyone of you who constantly encouraged me, supported me, prayed for me, showed me love and care. Without u guys, i would have hit rock bottom and stayed there. It was you guys, who helped me get back up and to keep climbing.

SO YES!

FINALLY DONE WITH MY SECOND YEAR OF LAW SCHOOL! =D

PARTAAAAAAAAAAAY~!.
or so i thought.
Today was the first day, being able to finally stay at home. Eversince my exams ended, i have been out, every single day. And i didnt quite like it. =( ahhh. i was so hoping to u know, sleep in till noon.. or to just stay at home and just chill. Read some story books or watch tv series.. etc. but noooo. been out, every single day. Been lacking even more sleep compared to my exam periods. Why? dance. then sis and family came up to KL. and now, am currently working..

So yeah.. have to wake up at 6.30am every morning..
Reach home around 8pm plus plus.

Had a day off today coz i kena food poisoning. =.=!

but yes! need to work..coz in need of cash.
Finally got to run some errands today!
So yeah, been really busy ever since exams ended. I still await tho, a day where i can just chill at home and do absolutely nothing. haha.

Kay kay,
I shall update u guys some other time!
But this is what i've been up to. =)

Gots to sleep! Or else, gonna be a total zombie tmr. haha.
I know i still owe a lot of u guys a meet up!
But please be patient okay?
Bear with me! Sooner or later! rest assured. =)

till next time!

xoxo.!

3 Days.

Hi again.

I'm much better now..
I guess we all have our breaking points.
You hit rock bottom, and the only other way to go is Up.
It was a really bad saturday night and a very emotional Sunday morning.
But it's thursday now, 3 days away from my first paper.

I've reached the point of numbness.
I'm like a robot, just doing whatever i possibly can in order to be able to sit for my paper on the 13th and on the 16th. The two papers that i am most worried about.

Plus, the fact that they are so closely placed does not help in any way. =/
But it's okay. I will just do what i can with what I have.

Had my last class for Year 2 yesterday. Felt so stressed out after Ms.Puvan gave us the 'all the best' wishes and the Do's and Donts. Felt this tingling sensation running from my finger tips to my toes!

But then,

I came home and found this in the mail for me!!

Two of Mark Wilkinson's autographed albums! AUTOGRAPHED! ahahaha. Been listening to z albums the whole day. To accompany, calm and comfort me in the midst of all these uncertainties.

=)

Love all the way from Aussie.! 

=)))

Also, guess what?

There hasn't been any water supply for the pass 2 Days!

OF ALL TIMES!!

Aihs. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I can do this.

But only, only with God's strength and grace.

One last mile till I move on to the final year of Law School!

Leggo.!

xoxo.!

Breaking Point.

Hi all.

8 Days till my first paper for Year 2 Finals.

I am so overwhelmed by stress right now, to the point of breaking down.
I don't know how i managed to survive last year. I really don't.

I had 14 sets of dance routines on my mind coz of the Genting Performance right after exams, i was sick, and i had finals for Year 1. I had public law, my greatest hurdle for Year 1. Did that whilst having fever, popping panadols and yet, scored the highest for that subject among my other subs.

But this year..

things are just so uncertain.
Everything feels heavier, bulkier, time feels shorter, yet the load isn't getting any lighter.
8 Days till my exams and I still feel so wobbly.

I admit, that It is really difficult for me to accept the fact that I can't have my shit together every second of everyday.

I can't accept the fact that sometimes, you just don't have it all in the grasp of your hands.

All my Life, i have worked hard at everything i set my mind to do, everything i commit myself into. I have worked hard, tried my best and have never failed.
Well, academically speaking, i've failed addmaths before. First academic failure in 10 years of education.

But i felt HORRIBLE. and so worked like crazy and pushed my grades from a FAIL.. to an A.

And so, it has always been a part of my personality to work hard in everything I do and to try my best to do well. But this time...

It has never been so hard before..
It has never been THIS hard before.

8 days till my exams and i am still having 7 hours classes until the 8th of May.
Then, it would be 4 Days away from my Evidence paper.

Also, i tried printing out my Admission Notice for the exams just now and guess what? The file is corrupted etc and so i can't print it out. i tried two different computers and yet to no avail, still corrupted. I felt so frustrated.. i felt so angry and stressed out. " 8 days left and you are wasting 3 hours of your time just to print out a bloody admission notice?!!!!!"
I felt so overwhelmed, i cried.
And i have no one to talk to tonight..Am home alone tonight. No one is home coz family headed to JB for election day tomorrow. To vote.

I thought to myself..

"What is the point of Life, if you're not enjoying Life? "

What is the point of living if I am going to continue living my life like this?

What have I done to myself?

I am 20 going on 21 and I already have a RM32,000 debt.
I have paid RM32,000 to suffer like this.

What have I done to myself?

Why am I living my life like this?

Why did i sign up for Law School?

I keep trying to tell myself that the worse thing that could possibly happen would be for me to Fail my Year 2. Maybe 1 or 2 papers. And then i'd have to resit.

FAIL ONLY MARH. SO STRESSED FOR WHAT?
FAIL THEN YOU TRY AGAIN! THAT'S ALL! LIFE GOES ON~!!

But it is easier said.. easier thought..
I am on the PTPTN loan. I simply CANNOT AFFORD to fail.
If I fail, my ptptn loan will be ceased. What am i going to do then?
I can't afford Law school?
Every shot i get, every chance i get, it is my LAST AND ONLY CHANCE.
Miss it, and it's gone.


Now, can you understand the immense stress that I am feeling?
Maybe not.

What am i going to do?

15 days till...

Hey guys.. guess what? 15 days till the exams!

How am i feeling?
Honestly, i've felt better.

For some of the subjects..i feel like i have at least a grasp of it...
but for maybe one of it.. i feel totally.. helpless.
Yes. truth be told.

Attempted a question on tht particular sub today and i just felt like breaking down. =( Really. State of Panic right now.. I didn't feel this terrible last year...

but then again, i guess i shouldn't really compare with Year 1 because Year 2 is SO much more bulkier. =(( but anyways.. guess what??

15 days till exams and It still doesn't feel like it.. =/

Why?
Simply because we're still having classes... and almost on a daily basis.
This week itself.. i've had classes all the way till 9.30pm.. and it practically almost takes up my whole day. Or if not, by the time i get home.. i just feel really exhausted. =( And i prolly just end up sleeping most of the time.. time just flies!! Gahhh. WHERE DID MY APRIL GO?!

So yeah..because of the hectic revision timetable.. i've been having difficulties in keeping up with my own study plan to the point where..i now..have completely no idea what my study plan should be anymore.. D: Also because of the special revision held by one of our UK examiners this week, it has taken up my whole week entirely. So yeah! Severe state of Panic as of Today. =( and i feel so helpless.. I keep telling myself to do my best and just do what i can with what i have. But its just so much easier thinking so..and saying so. Because honestly? I feel that my best just wont be enough...

15 days before the exams and we're still having such hectic revision classes.
Not that I am complaining.. but it's really taking up almost my whole day..i no longer know how or when to do my own preps. T_T I planned to wake up early and sleep early the minute April begins? Heh. Totally didn't work out. Failed plan. Why? coz classes are till 9.30pm.. by the time i get home..its around 10.15pm.. by the time i shower etc..it's suddenly 12am. Dont ask me why 12am.. i really dont know. time just flies! =(((( and if i woke up any earlier than 8am.. i would be brain dead by the time i'm halfway through the night class. So yeah.. all of this..its just making everything so difficult!! =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Words can't exactly describe my feelings as of this very second.
I can only hope for the Best.. and well.. Do what I can with what I have.

6 Months to learn AND prep for 1 years worth of Law Syllabus..4 Subs..
is just simply not enough. In Fact, its madness..
Its no wonder why our timetables are so insane. =(

Yes.. if you calculate...
September to May.
Exams are in May so technically, May isn't included.

We start in the middle of September.
So September - April = 7 months. (coz we start only in the middle of sept)

1 months Holiday when u add up christmas and all the public holidays here and there. Not forgetting CNY and Deepavali and well Hari Raya. So technically.. 1month plus..

7 - 1 = 6 months.

we Start revision in March.
Hence, we've only got 4 Months to learn 4 Law Subs..

U know what...
It's just crazy la. Period.

Sighs.
I really can't do this on my own. I never could. It has always been God..always will be.
My strength is like puny compared to God's.

I can't do this without Him.
I really can't.......

Ello wello~!

Hey guys! how's it going?

I know the recent posts hasn't been much fun to read..
but i guess.. i do have to let it all out somewhere..
And truth be told, i haven't been having the best start of April..
But i guess i'm just trying to look ahead, move forward and think positive *i try* each day..

Guess what guys?
29 Days left till the Big day!
Yes. 29 Days!

The number has gone down to 2! :O
Gosh time is flying and indeed time is waiting for no maa...woman!
How is my progress? Tbh, i am more worried this year than i was last year..
Why?
The subjects and  bulk this year is just overwhelming.. and i've never felt so short of days as I am feeling now. We finished our syllabus later this year.. and i guess..it feels really horrible when we end up getting books that we were suppose to get at the start of the year only ONE month before the exams!

Can u imagine how stressful is that?
Yes. We just got 3 new books for evidence. Due to miscommunication, the boss just found out that we only got 2 books for evidence and so now..all of a sudden.. 3 new books! and they aren't exactly thin okay?! ONE MONTH. aihs....howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww???!

*inhales*

I am definitely trying my utmost best to finish up and cover whatever I can with whatever time I have left... but one thing is for sure.. Things aren't getting any easier.. I guess, i have never felt so unprepared before.. time is just simply.. not enough. It really isn't. 1 years worth of Law syllabus in 6 months.

Tell me that isn't stressful.
Sighs.

On a brighter note.. i've been able to study with a study buddy these pass few weeks and it feels really Good studying with someone again.. especially after my twin left to London.. =/

But yes.. that is definitely a happy thing for me.. to be able to study with a friend.. quite consistently.. because i find studying outside of home waaaay more productive than when i do at home.. Too many distractions + Oven room. Oven room like no ones business.

So yesh!
Please pray for me.
Haihs. Stress sampai nak...

i shall just leave that sentence hanging.
Nyeh!

29 DAYS AHHHHH~!
I hope I can cover all in time! =/

Stress & Emergency Mode.. ON.

PS: I really miss dancing. =( Can't wait to be back in my dancing shoes!

xoxo.!

Initiating.

For everything.. and with everyone.. I have always been the one to initiate.
Of course.. i purposely choose not to initiate in some situations for my own reasons.

But otherwise...
I have always been the one initiating for everything and with everyone.
So much so, people tend to take that part of me for granted.
When I say, I will do.
But most people just say.. but wait for others to do.
And sometimes it just gets really frustrating when everyone has the attitude of..
 " ohh.. nvm la.. let Celine do..let Celine plan.. she will do it one. "

Cut me some slack?

And then theres relationships and friendships.
Always. ALWAYS. I'm the one to initiate..
conversations.. hang outs.. meet ups... to keep in touch..

Makes me wonder really..

What if I stopped initiating? What then?
We'll just end up losing touch & drift apart?
Well actually yes, it HAS happened.. The ones whom i refrained from initiating any longer? We've become acquaintances or hi bye. :D yay.

What happened to ' it goes both ways?'

Oh.. nah la.. this saying is not applicable when you're friends with Celine.
=D she'll do everything. Dont you worry.


Bravo.
Story of My Life.

Let them Love You for You.

Realized today how a lot of people these days have double identities everywhere they go.
Some people try too hard to be loved.
They try too hard to fit in.
And it saddens me to witness so.

I am one who believes that you need not try to gain the love of others. For it is not something you earn.. it is something that is true..sincere and genuine from the heart.

If people love you, they will love you for who you are. Period.

Why try to get the love of people who looks at your looks.. love that you have to earn?

Such love, in my humble opinion, is not even worth having.
It may be a lonely road for a while.. but be patient enough and the true friends.. the true people.. will come along. The ones who would Love you regardless of the flaws that you may possess.

The ones who would Love you for YOU.

Just be WHO YOU ARE. Whoever you are with.. wherever you are.. because in the end.. you are fooling no one but yourself. You  are hurting no one.. but yourself.
Would you want to wake up one day.. finally realizing that all the people whom you call 'friends' are actually people who just hang out with you solely to squeeze you dry of your cash.. or to take advantage of you in whatever ways.. would you? It would be by far, heart breaking.

It would overwhelm you. It would make you lose faith in all of humanity. It would kill your self esteem..of whatever that is left. It would numb you. It would make life, one that is even more lonely than you could've ever imagine. It would make you want to isolate yourself from all man kind.

I have always told myself this principle that i've kept close to me eversince i was a kid up till to date.

" It is always better to have ONE TRUE FRIEND.. than to have 100 FAKE FRIENDS. "

Growing up, i moved about a lot. I always had to make new friends. To fit in. Over.. and over..

At first I would try. But the minute i realized that this wasn't working.. instead of forcing myself to laugh at jokes that i didn't find funny.. or to try to keep up with whatever alien topics they were chit chatting about.. I would rather eat alone and sit alone during recess time.. than to TRY to be someone I am not.

It wasn't easy. Being alone. It felt pathetic. Lame. sucha Loner. It felt bad. But i stuck strong to my principle and guess what? The right friends came along after a while.. they always do. =) It was always just a matter of time.

What i'm trying to say is..
Just be who you are.
Stop trying so hard!
Love is not one to earn but one to receive.
One to be given because you want to.
Love is suppose to be unconditional.
And if you're in a position where you have to EARN the love you want?

LEAVE. TRASH IT. & MOVE ON.
You will be far better off without such people in your life.
You deserve the truth. You deserve sincerity. & You deserve LOVE.

Let Them... Love You for who You are.

xoxo.!

PS: It's Aunty Rita's birthday today. Checked out her facebook profile just now..looked back at all her pictures. It still breaks my heart.. whenever she crosses my mind. I still miss her so dearly and i'm sure my cousins and uncle do too. ='( I hope you're in a better place now aunty rita. We all miss you still.. and we still think about you..

Sighs.

Epic.

Hey guys! Yeah yeah I know.. 2 very emo posts lately.. I try not to but sometimes I just have to blog it all out.

Anyways!
Guess what?
Revision classes crazy as usual. What made it more crazy this week? The lecturer suddenly decided to give us an assignment that was to be handed in on Sunday morning. He told us about this on Friday night.. Yes I had class on Good Friday till 9pm.. =|
And I had class the whole day on Saturday.. Until 7pm. So technically, we only had Saturday night to get it done and I tell u.. After a whole 8 hours of class.. U would want to have nothing to do with Law for the next few hours.

Anyways.. It was quite a challenge for me as I didn't really know my cases an law that thoroughly over tht area and sighs was having writer's block for like 2hours. =( Long story short, I ended up staying up doing the assignment n slept at 5am. Suppose to wake up at 7am plus to get ready for church! Easter! Plus Benroy was performing so.. Yah.. Can't miss it! But guess what? Me woke up late! D; and I missed church! Ahh! First time of not spending Easter in church. :( was quite upset about it.. So was Benroy cz I missed his performance =/
Couldn't go for second service either coz I had class. Bummer.

But anyways! I handed in my assignment and I was proud of me! So many people gave up and went to bed. I'm glad I stuck through it and finished what I started.

The comments on fb were really encouraging as well! I'm so blessed to have such encouraging friends.. :)

EPIC story of the day.

I was thrown a mistaken surprise birthday party today!
Yep. It happened. True story. I tell u no lies!!

Haha. Gosh! It was so funny!! I was so confused when they brought in the birthday cake and started singing the Happy Birthday song! I was like what? Whaaaat? What's going on? Whose birthday is it?! Hahahha.
They have mistaken my birthday to be in April.
I was especially confused when I received ang pows. LOL.

How often does this happen to just about anyone?!
= Like never!

Hhahahahaha. But it was fun and funny and just EPIC!
Alright. Time to get my beauty sleep. So sleep deprived right now. @.@ zombieeee ness.

Xoxo.!

Scarred.

Unlike many, I don't merely get bruised.
Each time, I risk getting scarred.

And this.. Is the very reason why I am so cautious in deciding who would be worth that risk.
And yet..

No, U were.. worth that risk.
But i guess, that risk was just taken at the wrong time..
And now.. Here I am. And here we are.

Not many would understand why it's taking me this long.
But I guess, it is called a scar for a reason..
And it breaks my heart to see what we've become.

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

=((

Just realized how..
                             I am..

                                           
                                         Still very much Broken.


                                                                                                     ='(      It hurts.